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It’s not you, it’s me – The law of attraction and the power of feedback

Have you ever noticed how people who are like each other, like each other? It’s like we seem to attract people who are like us or who are a reflection of ourselves. Naturally if someone is similar to us, we seem to gel with them, often you feel like you have known them forever. You share common experiences, values, beliefs you may even use the same sayings or phrases. #Snap!

But what about people who are not like us? You know those people who grate on us because they are different or the opposite of someone that we would normally hang out with? Well what if I told you that the law of attraction works both ways. Tony Robbins says that “Where focus goes, energy flows…” So, if you are wasting a whole lot of time complaining about these people that are frustrating you or draining your energy then it’s because you are feeding them your energy. This is true in business, friendships, your partners and even your employees.

Also, much of the time if we don’t like something about someone else it’s a reflection of something we don’t like about ourselves. WHAT??? I hear you say… NO WAY!! Well let me explain it, in order to know and understand someone else’s shortfalls, we must have demonstrated this ourselves at some point to even be able to recognise it. #Noshit! So, if you don’t like someone because they arrogant it’s because at some point you have been arrogant yourself. Maybe not at the intensity of the person but you get it.

Have you ever noticed that some people just seem to attract sooooo much negative stuff into their lives, it’s like drama after drama. Working in HR, we see people like this all the time. People who are totally at the effect of EVERYTHING in their life, everything is someone else’s fault. I was late because there was really bad traffic, my dog ate my homework, I’m not performing because you are a bad Manager and I feel very overwhelmed right now. You get my drift. Bad attracts more bad until the person has that realisation, geez, what’s the common denominator in all these scenarios? Well I’ll be damned, it’s me.

Jordan B Peterson wrote a book called the 12 Rules of Life, and this book has a number of hidden gems contained within in. I wish I read it years ago. The rules are so simple and relate perfectly to the laws of attraction. The rules are:

  1. Stand up straight with your shoulders back
  2. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
  3. Make friends with people who want the best for you
  4. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
  5. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
  6. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
  7. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
  8. Tell the truth – or, at least, don’t lie
  9. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t
  10. Be precise in your speech
  11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding
  12. Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street

My favourite is number 5 – Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them. This can translate to your friends, your partner or even your employees. In essence, if you are letting the people you care about act in a way that makes you dislike them, then by saying nothing not only are you doing yourself a disservice, you are doing them a disservice too. So many times I have seen employees who are being given feedback about their behaviour totally shocked. Often proclaiming “But no one has ever told me this before…“ and they are probably right, no one has ever had the guts to hold the mirror up and say you know what… when you do this, you are a real asshole and people don’t like you when you do this.

So, the next time you are complaining about that friend or employee who annoys you all the time, or your partner who is well just doing your head in, stop and think… How can I help them? And is it really their problem, or is it my problem? Have I allowed this to happen?

My advice is that first of all we need to speak up when things happen that we don’t like, rather than stewing on it, and assuming a whole bunch of stuff. Whether it’s at home or at work the more we communicate with the people we care about the better the world is going to be, right? And it’s all in the way you communicate with them. Do it with from a place of love, not spite or anger. Don’t wait until you are angry to have the conversation. Make sure you frame it right, as Jordan Peterson says, be precise with your speech. Don’t fluff around. Say when you do this, it makes me feel hurt or worthless. Give the person context, give them examples to illustrate your point and lastly be kind.

Written by resident Head Guru – Emily Jaksch

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